Oude en Niewe

I think that's what it's called... "old and new" or "happy new years!"

A few days ago I heard something that sounded like a gun shot... then a few hours later I heard another one.  Martin informed me that it was fireworks.  Martin says they're illegal, but a lot of young(ish) boys like to play with them... especially in December.  Yesterday there were a LOT more, and so far today (it's 3pm), there hasn't been a period of 10 minutes where I haven't heard one.  It's more like 5-10 a minute.  I'm guessing that this a signal of New Year's Eve.  This morning, I got to witness this "normal activity".  They're really more like little pieces of dynamite than they are fireworks.  I love fireworks!  But it's a bit strange to hear single pops of them, during the day, and not see anything.

As we were sitting, watching an episode of our favourite Dutch TV show, Martin started naming off the different kinds of fireworks that we heard... with a grin.  Haha.  I think I can picture him 17 years ago.

These are videos I took from our front bedroom window.  Notice the smoke in the second video.

But before all of that, I got to taste Martin's famous pancakes this morning.  So good!

A Different Kind of Christmas

*Yes, my blog did go on vacation, and we're back up and running now.  Thanks for the wake-up call Christl ;)  Also, I should mention that there are a LOT more things going through my mind that are not included here.  The main point is that it was a lovely and thought-provoking Christmas for me.  Now, you can read all the details if you'd like.*

Home is where the heart is.  Traditions are created with intention, for a purpose.  Normal is what is characterized by the majority.

These are three statements that I've been thinking about a lot this Christmas.  I've been asked "what's normal over there?"  I don't actually know what is normal for Christmas over here.  What's normal for Christmas in Canada?  I'm really not sure that I know that either!  I know what I have experienced, and I know how my Canadian family and Martin's Dutch family celebrates Christmas, but the reality is that each and every family celebrates in different ways.  "Christmas" means different things to each of us.  

Yes, I did miss my family this Christmas.  I missed staying up late on Christmas Eve to wrap Carrie's presents, I missed playing at our Christmas Eve service with Carrie, Joel and Mom with little-to-no practise, I missed watching Dad make stuffing, and cook the turkey, I missed playing endless games of Settlers, in our PJ's, I missed preparing a walk-way of candles with pop bottles, I missed the midnight walk, I missed the late-night kraft dinner, I missed the Christmas tree falling over, I missed spending time with my family... but things change.  I don't feel like I missed out on these things, but it's more that I look back and remember those moments with fond memories.  Those were the things that meant "Christmas time" to me.  Life changes.  Our circumstances change, and I was so glad to be here, celebrating Christmas with Martin.  We did not exchange any gifts, but it felt like a gift just to spend time with him.  I don't feel like I've missed out on anything by not exchanging gifts.

I realized this year that a lot of my family's Christmas traditions, and Canada's Christmas traditions are especially nice for kids.  And since Martin and I are "grown up", we wouldn't get the same excitement out of an advent calendar, or gingerbread house, as I certainly used to!  

Even though I don't want to seem to know what's "normal" for Christmas anywhere, here are some differences I noticed:

- turkey:  there's nothing special about turkey here.  In fact, when we went to the grocery store on Christmas Eve day, we had to ask the boy in the meat department if they had any turkeys.  He looked at us as if to say "now, why would you be looking for a turkey?"  He went to the back, and found one.  $26 Euros for a 5-pound bird.  We settled for chicken... which I stuffed.  Ha!

- gingerbread houses:  I didn't see one over here!

- stockings: nope!  I think they do the shoes-at-the-door here, during Sinterklaas, but no stockings at Christmas.

- candy canes:  didn't see any of these either.  Now, I wasn't looking hard, but I didn't just happen to see any, anywhere!  This includes candy cane ice cream.... I definitely missed that!

- stars: are hung upside-down... at least I saw a lot of them hanging like the photo below.  Can a star be upside down?

In a previous post, I mentioned that the Dutch have two Christmas days.  On each of these days, we spent time with family.  We went out to two very fancy restaurants (one with Martin's Dad's side of the family, and one with Martin's Mom's side of the family)- and everyone dresses up.  I'd say this is different from Canada, where we normally spend a good portion of the morning (or day) in our PJ's.

Gifts are not really exchanged here.  The fancy meal out and time with family is the gift.  And it was so nice!  It was really nice to not have the pressure of shopping, and choosing the right gifts, and getting it all done on a tight timeline.  It was so nice to just enjoy time together!

It was lovely to go to Doorbrekers on Christmas Eve for a 10:30pm service.  It was nice to go out for a bike-ride on Christmas day afternoon.  I realize that as newlyweds, everything is exciting, and just being together this year was a gift, but I'm excited to plan and create Christmas traditions with Martin in the years to come, and discover what we'd like to make "normal" for us.

Bicycles

I just got back from doing errands, on my bike, in the rain, and I thought it would be a fitting time to write about bikes.  All of the following statements are things I have seen or experienced while here in Barneveld.  I wanted to wait until I got a picture of each situation, but for the sake of time, I'm going to resort to google images for a few.


- Bikes come with locks on them.  When you lock your bike, it basically locks the rear brakes, so that it can't be ridden.  Before you start, you put your key in the "ignition", which unlocks the brake, and you ride with your keys in the bike lock.

-  Bikes are ridden by people of all ages.  I have seen two or three grey-haired people with walkers, and dozens riding bikes.

-  It's raining?  No problem!  You're welcome to borrow my umbrella!  (Picture from Google Images, but it looks just like it does here.)

-  A young child, just learning to bike is taught to brake by riding beside mom or dad, with mom or dad's hand on his shoulder, through town.    (picture from Google Images)

-  No need for helmets.  This means you can do your hair in the morning, and still ride your bike.  (The two pictures below are my pictures, from here in Barneveld, on a school morning.)

-  Kids have "Traffic" courses in school when they are about 10 yrs. old.  They also have a bike exam that they must pass (in school).  Since there are hardly any stop signs, it's important to know who has the right-of-way.

-  You meet up with your friends in town, and you want to "hitch a ride" with them?  No problem, just hop on the back of their bike!  It's just like the back seat of a car here, except better, because you get the wind blowing in your face, and it's a little more adventurous.

As I was searching for pictures, I found this website,  Bicycles in Amsterdam  which is almost exactly what I've been noticing, except I haven't noticed any of the big bike locks.

Bikes around here are worth a lot.  Since everything is so close, and the streets are not grid-like, in many cases it's actually faster to bike somewhere than to drive a car.  Take into account the numerous bike paths, plus the limited parking, plus the unlimited driving age... bikes are very valuable, regardless of how new they are, or how much monetary value they have.  If it gets you there faster than your feet would, then it's worth a lot!

-  One of the two bike-parking areas at one of the two train stations in Barneveld.  It almost always looks like this.  I think this is why people have brightly-coloured bikes.

Martin and I were given bikes as a wedding gift, and this has been most helpful!  Thank you!!  We went for a long bike-ride on Sunday afternoon, just for fun, and so far, I have done errands every day, on my bike :)  If you look closely, you can see my keys in the ignition :)

My detachable basket :)

Candlelight 2011

Here in Barneveld, Candlelight is an annual event that the shop owners organize.  It happens the Wednesday that is two weeks before Christmas (I think that's right).  It's a nice way to "get into the Christmas spirit".

As we were approaching the center of town; the marketplace; the pedestrian zone; we heard some music.  I wish I had taken more pictures.  In front of a restaurant, there was a men's choir singing some festive tune (in English- - but I didn't know what it was).  How nice!  Then, as we turned the corner, we could hear a band.... there was a musical group performing at about every 100m interval, or even less!  From schools to churches to community groups.... there was a bit of everything, including a few Alphorns (which, according to Martin, are not typical.)

That's all it is... an evening when different musical groups in town stand at a certain location, play music, and the downtown area is lit with candles.  It was a really nice way to spend the evening!  All the shops were closed, so it was just about the atmosphere.

A picture of the streets:

One choir dressed themselves in lights!

The best band:

                                                                     Above: most of the shops had candles burning in their windows.

 And of course, some oliebolen!  My first, real dutch taste of it.  It's a little ball of dough, with raisins, deep-fried (but not crispy), with some icing sugar sprinkled on top.  As we were walking back home, eating our oliebolen, I had a revelation.  Here was my thought process: "I like this.  It reminds me of my childhood favourite donut.  It's almost the same thing... dough mixed with raisins, deep-fried, and lightly iced.  It's called a "dutchie."  oooooooooooohh

Erwtensoep recipe

Thanks Mieke for the recipe!

Ingredients:

• 500g dry split peas (about 2c)
• 2 medium-large carrots
• 2 medium potatoes
• 1/2 kohlseleri (or 2-3 stalks of regular celery)
• 1 onion
• 2 big leeks (or 4-6 smaller leeks)
• 1-2 bouillon cubes (vegetable or beef)
• 2 smoked sausages  (each sausage is about 200-300g)
• 3 pieces ham, with bone in (Haaskavbonade) (about 500g total).
  
  - you can change the amounts of the veggies, based on your preference.  One recipe calls for 10 carrots and no potatoes.  You can't really go wrong with this!
  
  

1)  fill big soup pot 1/2 full with water.

2)  add split peas, ham and bouillon*
3)  boil for 1- 1.5 hours, until peas are cooked

-- find a nice book to read, clean the house, chop veggies, or go on facebook ;) --

4)  wash and chop all other veggies (dice, into bite-sized pieces)
5)  once peas are cooked, take out ham and add all other veggies, simmer on low for 2-3 hours
6)  remove bone from ham and dice into bite-sized pieces.
6)  1/2 cook sausages in a separate pot.
8)  once veggies are all cooked, use immersion blender to blend.
8.5) I used an immersion blender because I don't like the look of the cooked split-peas.  But I think in the real dutch recipe, they just serve the soup as is.
9)  dice sausage into bite-sized rounds, and add to veggie pot with ham.

* The recipe that I used in Canada required the peas to be soaked in water overnight.  No need for that in this recipe.

Erwtensoup

I think that's how it's spelled.  Pea soup- a common dish over here.  Last week, Romy (my sister-in-law) and I spent an afternoon together, making our first batch of Erwten soup, and with Mieke's tips, we got all the right ingredients, and it turned out well.

Two surprises for me:
1) the size of the leeks!  I looked up some Canadian recipes for this soup last week, and some of them called for 3-6 leeks.  Only two needed if they're this size!

2) Kohlseleri?  I don't know how to spell it, actually.  But I think it sounds something like that.  It looks like a mix between an octopus, potato and turnip.  It cuts like a turnip, and smells and tastes like celery!  It's PERFECT for soup, because it has the nice flavour of celery, but it can be cooked and mashed with NO stringy things!  Chances are that these are also sold in Canada, but I just overlooked them in the grocery store because they look so unappetizing!

And here's the soup in process... it turned out well!  I didn't take any pictures of the final product, partly because we ate it as soon as it was all done, and partly because, well, cooked split pea soup smells and tastes much better than it looks.

Dutch Yogurt

As Martin does some paperwork that should allow me to become a Resident of the NL, I'll make myself useful by sharing my deep thoughts about Dutch Yogurt.  And yes, I have been thinking about this one for a while now.

Dutch yogurt:
- comes in a carton
- is a common dessert
- can also be eaten for breakfast
- can be really runny
- is eaten with a spoon
- is drank out of a straw from a juice box (like yop... but it's more common than that)
- is poured from the carton into a bowl-- THIS is what first caught me off-guard.

**Note: this is just based on my very limited observations, and may not be true or accurate of ALL Dutch yogurt, or Dutch people**

Firsts

Yesterday I biked into town on my own, and picked up some groceries and other necessary household items.  In some ways, I feel like a child, because it seems like each small step like this is cause for celebration.  For me, it's these small steps that will make this feel like home.

I was really nervous.  I knew that many people in town speak English, so I wasn't likely to get "stuck", I knew that Barneveld was a very small town, I knew that I would recognize most of the streets and shops that I drove by.  Even though I had no logical reason to be nervous, I felt the same nerves that I haven't felt since my years of music recitals, performances, competitions and exams.  You know, when your stomach is in a knot, and every muscle in your body is filled with adrenaline, wanting to just get up there and get it over with?  I guess you can tell that I was the "nervous" type of performer.  Wow, this sounds pretty intense.  Don't worry, I tried to play it cool, so I don't think anyone noticed how nervous I was... except the two preteen boys who yelled at me (in Dutch), after I parked my bike too slowly.  (Note: I must become a more aggressive bike driver.)

Anyways, nervous as I was, I went, didn't get lost, got something extra from a cashier (I'm not sure what it was... maybe a coupon), and I got home safely and with everything that I needed.  What a sigh of relief, and more than anything, a good thing to have under my belt.  I'm sure each time I go into town will get easier and will become more normal.  I think my job right now is to do what I can to make these seemingly big steps become normal, as quickly as possible.  For now, I'm glad that that's done, and I'm looking forward to learning the streets in Barneveld by heart, so that I don't have to look at a map before I leave :)

Language

The most frustrating part of this move is the language difference.  Whenever I'm out with Martin, and he's talking with someone (eg. shopping), I have 4 choices:

1)  go to another part of the store, so that I'm not involved in the conversation at all
2)  stand beside him, looking to be interested in whatever he's talking about, but not saying a word, like a good submissive wife who doesn't care about the outcome.  I feel really rude doing this.
3)  pretend that I'm Dutch,  using a few words (like "thank you"), at the risk of the other person carrying on a conversation with me in Dutch
4)  mention that I only speak English, which often makes a scene.

I don't like any of these choices.  So off to learn Dutch for me :)

Same Difference

10 things I've noticed about life here:

1)  Everyone wears shoes inside the house.  Because the town is so small, and there is no mud (everything is either stone or asphalt), shoes don't really get dirty.  They might get a little wet, but nothing a small rug can't handle.  This is also really handy, since all of the girls and women wear boots.  I don't think I have seen anyone in sneakers or shoes.
2)  There are no fans in the bathroom.
3)  The driver's door on cars only locks with a key.  That way, you never get locked out of your car.
4)  Neutral colours (black, grey, whites and shades of brown) are by far the most common for clothing.  Everything looks OK together, and you can make a lot of different outfits out of a few pieces of clothing.
5)  Bikes are cool.  Men ride bikes with baskets, in their suits.  More on bikes later...
6)  Actually, one more about bikes.  Bike insurance is just as important as car insurance.  We just got 3 yrs. worth of insurance for our bikes.
7)  Houses are heated with radiant heating, which is really nice for drying and warming towels.
8)  The weather is always changing, but it's never too bad for too long, and no one talks about it.- EDIT: apparently the Dutch DO talk about the weather a lot.  I guess the only Dutch people I have spoken with so far are Martin's family and good friends, and we talk about more personal things than weather.
9)  They have systems in place that issue automatic speeding tickets in certain areas.
10)  Here, we have two Christmas days.  The 25th is referred to as "the first Christmas day" an the 26th is the "second Christmas day."  Handy, eh?

Main floor set-up

We've got the main floor pretty much done now.  I think it's going to stay like this for a while :)  We've ordered a china cabinet and bookshelf, which should arrive in February.  Until then, this is it!  Colours this year are: plum purple, green, grey and silver :)   Excuse the quality of the video... it's just for perspective.

Setting up a new home

There are so many things that need to be done before I can really unpack.  I still have everything in suitcases.  Martin's house has space for me (although it's not unlimited), but he didn't have furniture that will store and organize my "things".  The final count is 6 big suitcases, 3 medium and 3 small suitcases of "things" that I brought over, which is considerably less than I owned 5 months ago.  But that is still a lot of stuff that needs a home.

Each day we're making progress.  I'd like to take a moment to give a shout-out to my fantastic husband who has taken this week off work to be with me and help me settle in.  He's also the one putting together a closet (while I'm sitting on the stairs "cheering him on"??), so that we can put our bed back together and go to sleep sometime tonight.  To quote him "too bad there is only one hammer."  He asks "who are you talking to?"  I'm sure he says hi to anyone who's reading this.

Anyways, the point of this story is that it's taking a lot of time to prepare to start unpacking.  I did break into a suitcase to get the baking powder tonight, but otherwise, I'm waiting until I have a place to store things.  Yesterday we got a little cabinet for in the bathroom for me.  Today we picked up a closet for our bedroom, which will store mostly my clothes (I think?  hah... this could get interesting.)  And tomorrow we're planning to order a china cabinet and bookshelf for the dining room, to keep our china, cookbooks, music books and my personal reading books.

One thing that I've noticed is that many homes here only have what they need, and everything has a place.  Maybe that's just Martin, but it seems to me that it's a Dutch or European thing too.  So if you buy a hairdryer, then you need to make sure you have a storage spot designated for the hairdryer.  I'm actually really excited about my hairdryer storage spot... but it hasn't been installed yet.  I'll be sure to post pictures as we finish rooms.

Tomorrow I'll be unpacking clothes, we'll set up the Christmas tree and decorate for Christmas, I hope :)

OH!  I bought a cast iron pot today, and used it for dinner... it was AWESOME!  I fried up the onions, garlic and mushrooms in it, then added some other stew-like ingredients, then I put it in the oven for 30 minutes to cook the dumpling on top, then in the fridge with leftovers for tomorrow.

Okay, off to help lift the closet up... yay!

Grocery Shopping

We went grocery shopping today.  I had a few recipes in mind, so I had my list of ingredients with me.

I wanted to make manicotti... no manicotti noodles, no cottage cheese, no cheddar cheese.  I guess ricotta, parmesan and gouda will work.

I wanted to make a casserole, so I looked for frozen kernels of corn.  In the vegetable freezer, I found a box with a picture of corn on it, and a big number 2.  I shook the box, and it was definitely two frozen cobs of corn.  Canned corn it is!

Time for me to try new things and be resourceful myself!  Also, time for me to start importing slow-cookers... they also aren't used here!

Sinterklaas

Today is Sinterklaas.  Or, maybe more appropriately, it's the end of Sinterklaas.  Sinterklaas is both a person and a season... I think.  Sinterklaas arrives sometime at the end of November, along with his helper, Black Peter (or Schwarte Pete), and they leave papernote (little round ginger cookies) all over the place.  Then Sinterklaas leaves on December 5th, and the country of the Netherlands starts to celebrate Christmas.

I know that at Sinterklaas funny gifts are exchanged (the Canadian equivalent of white elephant gifts), but there is a lot more thought and effort put into these gifts- or so it seems.  From what I've observed (which isn't much), it seems that these gifts are meant to be cheap, but thoughtful.  It's a chance to find creative and resourceful ways to make something that means something.  I like this!  Along with this, a lot of families and people share poems with each other- about each other.

Since Martin and I are now our own little family, I won't be experiencing Sinterklaas like most kids will.  I don't really know the significance of how it affect daily life throughout the season, but it certainly seems like a nice way to start off the Christmas season.

The most bitter part of this sweet journey.

It is December 3^rd or 4^th,, depending on which time zone we're looking at. We just flew over Newfoundland and Labrador, on our way to Brussels, Belgium. It has been an emotional 24 hours for me. Last night I cried for about an hour before falling asleep. Even though I have lived a long distance from my family, living in another country (especially one that is across an ocean) is another ballgame. However, the hardest part is not knowing the future. While Martin and I don't know where we'll end up living in the future, all we know is that for now, home is Barneveld. I don't have another plane ticket booked. I don't know when I'll see people again, and I don't know if they'll ever be as “easily accessible” as they have been while living in the same country. I can not say to anyone anyone, myself included, the comforting phrase “See you in _____.” For now, it's simply “good bye.” That is hard. That is the reason for my tears.

I have met a few of Martin's friends, and his family- all of whom I'm excited to build relationships with, but I don't have any good friends of my own... yet. I have not visited Martin's church... yet. I have not been alone in downtown Barneveld... yet. These are all things that I hope will happen soon, and that will help me feel at home in Barneveld.

One thing that just is not possible, though, is the “accessibility” to family and friends. I can't call up a friend and invite myself over for tea (LL?) I can't go on a last-minute trip with a friend (Jo? Jules?) I can't invite friends over for games just because. I can't stop by at a friends' place because I'm in the area (Tiff?) I can't chat with people as easily just because we're both online (Rhi?) (well-- hopefully this can still happen, but my point here is that the time difference will make it less likely.) I won't be able to drive to meet family for a ski trip, or for Christmas, for that matter.

All of these relationships will be changing. It's sad to know that some of the things that have created, established and cultivated these relationships, just won't be possible anymore (without a plane ticket and a big trip.) However, just as Martin and I got to know each other from across the ocean, and with very few days in the same country, I hope that I'll be able to maintain contact with some people who have become my closest friends. And I am trusting that God will provide all my needs- right now, I think social and emotional needs are on the top of the list for me.

Of course, the sweet part of this journey is being with Martin, and being our own little family. Being with Martin doesn't take away my tears, it doesn't solve all of my problems, it doesn't give me 100% security in the future, it doesn't make it easy to say good-bye, but it makes the bitter part of the journey absolutely worth it.

Last day of packing

After a week of wedding preparation, a fantastic wedding day, and a wonderful week-long honeymoon, we're flying out of Canada tomorrow.  I will be coming back to visit, but as of right now, I don't have a ticket booked.  Tomorrow, I'll be flying to my new home.

I'm excited to be done with living in temporary homes, living out of a suitcase, and living without "spots" for my every-day things... like my lotion.

I'm anxious to find out what will happen when we go through passport control and customs in the Netherlands.  Will we be questioned?  Will we sit in a room for a couple hours?  I have no clue, but I can't worry about it... I just need to make sure that I'm not tired when we land.

Starting now, "Henri Dunantlaan, Barneveld" will go on my declaration card, as my place of residence.  When I come back to Canada, I'll fill out the "visitors to Canada" box on the same card.  Strange.

So I'm sad to be saying good-bye, but really glad that I now get to say "good morning" and "good night" to Martin each day.  I'm a little nervous about all the paperwork and immigration details, but I know we have done due diligence when it comes to immigration laws, and we have our paperwork in order, so I can't imagine that we will have any major problem.  However, we're at the mercy of the immigration officers.

I have been packing now for about 3 months.  Some things, I have packed and unpacked 3 times.  Right now, I have a small car-full of things that need to fit into 4 suitcases (that includes Martin's stuff, and his one suitcase).  I'm really dreading this-- I just don't want to do it.  BUT in 24 hours, we'll be at the airport, with everything done, ready to fly home.  Yes... home.  My home that I have never lived in.  My new house that I pray and trust will become home very shortly.  However, I'm sure this packing will be MUCH more enjoyable, with my husband cheering me on, and knowing that my reward for packing will be cake pops, and beating him at another round of Dutch Blitz ;)  Bring it on!

Gaining Independence

Right now, I am completely dependent on others.  This is slightly unsettling to me, as I had become a very independent person, maybe to an extreme.  A few years ago I discovered that one of my subconscious goals in life had been to become so independent that I didn't rely on anyone for anything, or that I didn't expect anything of anyone.  This way, I wouldn't be and couldn't be let down by anyone.  This was so extreme that I didn't share any of my emotions or struggles with anyone, and it also meant that I didn't have much joy in celebrating, because there wasn't much to celebrate with people.  Sure, I could celebrate on my own... but that's really no fun at all!

Over the last three or four years, I have gained a couple very close friends who have gently and graciously helped me discover the joy of sharing life with others.  These are friends who want to know what is going on in my life, who have helped me discover and express my emotions, who genuinely care for me, and who are not afraid to confront or rebuke me when they see fit.  These are friends who know my biggest mistakes, my greatest weaknesses and still love me.  These friends can tell that something's wrong before I have told them anything, and they can tell when I'm doing well before I express it.  I have learned to trust these friends- to trust them with my deepest secrets, and trust that they want what's best for me, even if it hurts.  In learning to trust these people, I have learned to trust God in a much deeper way.

I am now in a new country, I have gained a new family, and I am staying with people who I have seen for a total of 5 days now.  Barneveld is a town of about 35,000 people, and you can walk almost anywhere within 15 minutes.  I have been into town four times now, and I am not quite comfortable going on my own yet.  I am not comfortable shopping on my own.  I'm not really comfortable leaving the house on my own.  However, I *think* I could find my way into town on my own, and I'm pretty sure I could find a few grocery stores from there, if it was absolutely necessary.  Although it is nothing compared to the independence I had two years ago, it is comforting to know that after 3 days, I could probably manage here on my own if absolutely necessary, but it is much more comforting to know that there are a lot of people here (most importantly, Martin), who I can trust, who can help me and who I get to share life with. 

I am looking forward to the day when I am comfortable enough to be independent with many weekly tasks, and to simply enjoy time with these people, without feeling like I depend on them for everything.

The Shocking New Reality

I landed in Amsterdam yesterday, and it was strange.  This was the fifth time that Martin and I greeted each other, after an extended period of time of only corresponding via email and video-chatting.  It normally takes me 24 hours to get used to being around Martin again.  I'm never scared or worried, it is just such a different reality to physically be in the same space.

It was the equivalent of 6:45am on Monday morning (Ontario time) when we finally left the airport, and I had gotten only about 1 hour of sleep on the plane, compared to the 3 hours I normally pull off on Atlantic Ocean-crossing flights.  Needless to say, I was tired.  But more than being tired, I was in shock.  Martin later told me that it was funny to watch me during that car ride from Amsterdam to Barneveld.  He noticed that I was looking at everything... the cars, the landscape, the signs, the horizon.  I was swallowing the fact that this will be my new home.  I figure that the more I study it and become familiar with it, the faster I will be comfortable and feel at home.

After a day of doing necessary errands (such as meeting with a lawyer), we spent an hour or so visiting with some of Martin's family, at the house where I'm staying this week.  I had a GREAT sleep that night, and I feel like I'm back to my normal self now.  Phew! 

After driving around Barneveld (and some surrounding towns), walking around Barneveld, going grocery shopping and spending some time looking through Martin's kitchen yesterday, I can imagine life here, and I think I'm going to enjoy it.  This small town seems very quaint and peaceful.  I have not heard one siren since being here, and all the streets (with the exception of the highways) are two lanes, plus of course, bike paths.  I do hear the railway crossing bells frequently, but they are a very welcomed sound, especially since they aren't high-pitched , harsh, sharp or annoying.

All of this was very good.  However, the best part of this trip so far, was coming downstairs this morning to discover that Brooke Fraser was the music of choice for this morning.  Hillsongs, in English.  Being a musician myself, sound is a big contributor to an atmosphere.  I felt right at home.

The expensive way to get married

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for the Netherlands.  The only reason I'm going is to get legally married.  I mean, I'm SO excited to see my man again, but this trip is only happening because of the complications that come with an international marriage.

Since I'm going to be living in the Netherlands, I am required to apply to become a permanent resident.  In order for me to do that, I need to prove that I am married to a Dutch citizen.  If Martin and I signed marriage documents in Canada, it could take up to 4 or even 6 months to complete the paperwork process that is required for the Dutch to recognize our marriage.  I need to be accepted as a resident within 3 months of living in the country.  Because of the potential processing time of Canadian documents, Martin and I decided to get legally married in the Netherlands, which means that I can apply to become a permanent resident immediately.  However, for us, that ceremony is to register our commitment to each other with the law.  The ceremony that we're having in London, Ontario on November 25th is when we're expressing our commitment to each other before God and family and friends.  November 25th is when we'll consider ourselves married.

This is the complicated way to get married, but in our case, it's certainly best.

Packing

Today is packing day.  Everything I own is currently in a basement apartment that I live in.  Over the last few months I have been examining everything, and deciding its value both financially and sentimentally, and weighing that with the cost of shipping it to the NL or storing it in Canada.  I feel like I'm back in economics class studying opportunity costs, several times an hour.

By the time I'm moved, I will probably have 4 large, 3 medium and a few small suitcases worth of my own stuff in the Netherlands.  One is already over there, and I just finished packing the second :)

This is an overwhelming task, mostly because there is no formula that helps me decide what to take, what to get rid of, and what to ask my very kind and generous parents to store at their place.

In October Martin took an extra suitcase filled with my stuff back to Barneveld with him.  That suitcase contained a few things that are pieces of home for me: Christmas decorations, some books, and a few sentimental things, like a mug and blanket that were given to me by friends.

This next suitcase has some kitchen things that I really like (serving platters, my late grandmother's cookie racks), and some hobby-related things for me.  I think what I have packed now is what is most important to me.  Through this process, I am realizing what is really important to me: a couple little things that feel like home, books that I have learned a lot from, things that make my house feel nice, and things that I like doing as hobbies.

Although it's a little overwhelming to go through everything, it is really quite freeing when I empty boxes of my stuff that have been sitting around here for a while.  I'm looking forward to getting back to the very basics :)

Lasts

Last Q-tip in the box, last load of laundry, last nail-trim, last trip to the mechanic, last day driving around the whole city of London, last chance to stop-in at the church just because, last day with my first car... these are all the lasts for today (I think!)

There have been a lot of lasts lately, and in two days, I'll be flying out of Toronto as a single girl, for the last time!

It is a strange feeling to know that so many things are changing; to know that I'm about to experience so many new things, and to know that my time in London is quickly coming to an end.  I am sad about some things (especially leaving so many people that I love), but I'm very excited about others (marrying Martin!)

I'm reminded of the picture of a seed that must die in order for a tree (new life) to grow.  Some things must end in order for others to begin.  Although I'm sure that there will be some disappointments in my future, I'm trusting that this is all for the good, and that the seed that is being left behind will grow into something much bigger, better and more fruitful.

God's Humour

One thing that has been incredible for me to experience in the last year is the peace that I have had about my relationship with Martin and the future, despite the many things I don't know, won't know and can't know now.  I know that God is good, I know that God has a plan (which my life is a part of), and it has been so clear to me that God has gone before me and taken care of all the details of this move.

The two biggest examples are the sale of my house, and, hot off the press, the sale of my car!

The plan was for me to sell my car on Nov. 13th, and then book a rental car for the week of the wedding.  But, I didn't want to book a rental car until I had sold my car.  Now, as we're coming down to the wire, I decided to just book the rental car anyways, and trust that mine would sell.  So Mom and I were talking on the phone about rental car details, and redeeming air miles to rent the car... you know, all the details you need to figure out before booking.

10 minutes into the phone call, the door bell rang, and it was a couple who wanted to look at my car.  I wasn't expecting anyone to show up tonight.  So the couple looked at the car, then took it for a test drive (they left me their cell phone, car and child as collateral... ummm... anyways...) then they gave me a deposit, and we're exchanging it on Saturday or Sunday.  Wow!  

So back to my conversation with Mom... "yep, let's book the car now."

Ha!  God's timing is perfect... and funny at times.

Are you nervous?

This is probably the most common question that I've been asked.  The answer to this question is much more complicated than the time that a simple conversation allows.

Yes!  I am nervous!  I'm nervous about being in a new place.  But more than nervous, I'm curious, and I have some fears.  But the things that I'm confident in far outweigh my fears, and I'm trying not to get nervous about things that I simply can not know or assume before I move.

As I'm selling, giving away or packing everything that I own, it would be easy to question whether or not this is worth it.  That's an easy answer, though.  YES!  I can't wait to be with Martin, and start a life together with him.  I would rather be with him than have my stuff.

As I'm enjoying my "lasts" (eg. last time out for coffee with ______, or last visit at ___'s place, or last Sunday morning with the kids...) it is very easy to see why I've come to love this place so much.  How do I know this is a good thing, when I'm leaving so many good things behind?  This is where it's about faith.

There's a balance of confidence and faith in this adventure that I'm embarking on.  I know that I want to marry Martin.  I know that God is leading both Martin and I in our own lives, and He's made it very clear that he's leading us in this relationship together.  Because of God's leading in this relationship, I have confidence in the leap of faith that I'm taking.

However, this doesn't eliminate all fear from my mind.  What if I struggle a lot with the language?  What if I don't get along with Martin's family and friends?  What if I don't make new friends of my own?  What if ... there are SO many "what if's" that I could ask, but I'm choosing to be confident in what I know, and be patient, and tackle the unknowns as I discover them.  And by that time, I'll be tackling them with my husband!

Yes, I'm nervous.  Yes, I have fears.  But worrying about unknowns now does no good, and my confidence in Christ is much stronger than my fears.  I know that God is good and wants good for me.  I know that God is the center of this relationship.  I know that God has gone before Martin and I to bring us to this point.  I know that God knows all the answers to the "what if's."  I know that God is unchanging and faithful to His children.  Because of this, I have confidence that my faith in God will be what anchors me through this move.

Trusting God,

TL

It keeps hitting me, harder and harder

Last night, as I was organizing some details of our ceremony, and listening to the music for our ceremony, I imagined, more clearly than ever, my own wedding day!  This is all so surreal.  I have always dreamed of getting married, wearing a white dress, and having Ave Maria as some of the music in the ceremony, but beyond that, I never imagined exactly what I would say to my husband-to-be as my pledge and promise to him.  I was lying in bed, with my laptop on my lap, and I had to hold back the tears.  Tears of joy and tears of emotion.  This is a big deal!  This is real!  Really?  It feels surreal.

Last night was also when I realized that I have to start saying good-bye to people.  As I've been getting rid of "stuff" over the last 3 months, some things have been harder than others to part with.  Christmas decorations, ladder and tools being some of the hardest.  But, that is nothing compared to leaving people.  Over the last 2 years especially, I have really started to establish some incredible friendships, and of course, some of them I have only met in the last year.  Last night it hit me again: I'm about to leave some friends who I have gotten to know really well, and I'm about to leave some friends who I've just started to get to know, and who I was really looking forward to getting to know so much better.  That's really selfish, though, because these people are fantastic people, and it's just me that's missing out on their friendship... but I know God will bless other people through them just as He has blessed me through them.

I know that friendships will change, relationships will change over time-- especially when there are other significant circumstances that change.  It will be MUCH more difficult to see or get together with any of my current friends, but I'm SO thankful that there are so many ways to keep in touch.  And I'm especially thankful for a great God who is the most faithful friend of all, and the reminders that even when everything else it unknown, or seemingly gone, God is there, and God is faithful.

Part 3: Relationship to Ring

Over the course of the next two months, things just got better and better.  I enjoyed talking to Martin more, and the more I got to know him, the more I looked forward to seeing him again.  We started reading a book together, and once again, we discovered that we shared a lot of the same attitudes and concerns about so many things.  Martin always struck me as a disciplined, goal-oriented, hard-working man, but I was a little embarrassed when I was the one catching up to him in our reading (since we were reading in my first language.)

The more I talked to Martin, the more I wanted to talk to him and share with him.  (Yep, you can feel sorry for Martin right about now.)  And the more I got to know him, the more I wanted to learn about him.

I don't remember much of what happened between March and May, but over that period of two months, I found myself imagining doing everything with him-- planning things with him, going on trips with him, spending quiet time with him, going on adventures with him…. and the list goes on.  I also imagined spending time with him at the end of a great day, and at the end of a rough day.

This period of two months was a little weird, as I was imagining the potential for the future.  And over the course of these two months, the "potential" slowly turned into a likely reality.  Through all of this, God gave me so much peace.

Then came my trip to the Netherlands.  I arrived into a new country, where I didn't recognize the airport, I didn't recognize any of the names on road signs, I didn't recognize the landscape, the trucks looked different, the highways were smaller, the licence plates were different -- all I knew was Martin.  As I sat in his van driving from the airport to Barneveld for the first time, I remember a moment when we were silent, and I thought "TL… you are CRAZY!" … and yes.  I WAS crazy!  This WAS a crazy adventure that I was on.  But, I felt safe in every way.  Up until this point, there were no "red flags".  Theoretically, there were many things that had the potential to go wrong, but there were so many things that pointed away from that, and towards this actually being a good thing.  I would have called it a very calculated risk.  In my mind, IF Martin was actually the man who he seemed to be, then I was more than willing to take this risk.  My biggest fear at that point was that one of us would discover something significant that would lead us to end the relationship-- something that we couldn't discover through conversations.  But once again, neither of us discovered any bad surprises, and we enjoyed our time together in the Netherlands even more than Martin's trip to Canada.  It was SO nice to be with Martin, seeing his hometown, and meeting his family and friends.  Once again, everything that I saw and heard while over there, confirmed that Martin WAS in fact, the same man that I had gotten to know over the last 9 months… even better, actually.  Of course, it was nice to be welcomed so warmly by such a great family and friends over there too!

We then had two weeks before Martin was back in Canada-- and at this point, we were talking very seriously about getting married, and I knew that he was planning to bring a ring over with him (and I was glad to know this, so that I could plan our time appropriately.)  Of course there are lots of other good stories that happened along the way-- like how I went to the wrong terminal to pick Martin up, and how he almost fell into a mostly-frozen swamp on our first walk together, and how sometimes the other person can hear you, even if you don't think the video-call has started yet, or how Martin corrects TL's grammar ... but we'll save those for real life conversations.

Part 2: Off the plane to Off the Market

Carrie (one of my two sisters) came to the airport with me, to meet Martin for the first time, and to drive part-way back to London with us.  I was SO nervous standing in Terminal 3, waiting for Martin to walk through the gates.  Of course, we were early, and boy, did I have butterflies in my stomach!  There was so much running through my mind.  I couldn't believe that Martin would actually book a ticket (considering the cost), just to see if we got along with each other.  What were the chances that he hadn't even booked a ticket, and just wouldn't show up?  For some reason, I was confident that Martin was going to show up.  But as each person walked through the gate, I wondered if they were Martin... I found myself guessing even how he would walk and hold his head up... before we had met.  As I was standing there, I was waiting for the moment where the glass doors opened, then "Mr. Right" would walk through the doors, our eyes  would lock, and time (and all the people in the airport) would stand still, (with some nice background music) as we approached each other for our first greeting.  Well, it was nothing like that.  When he came through, though, I knew it was him, and I was a little relieved, but very nervous!  What a weird moment!  At that point, I didn't remember where the car was, or how to get back to the car, and I just talked nonsense for a bit, as we walked back to the car.  I'm glad Martin stuck around a bit to see me a little more relaxed.

That car ride was a little awkward... especially at the point when I lost my way (I was driving, and I was still getting over the shock that Martin was sitting in my car, in real life.)  Once we got back to London, I was planning to just drop Martin off at my good friend's house,  where he would be staying, then I would head straight to mine.  But, Terri and Darren invited us in for some tea, and Martin accepted the offer... I was surprised that after a 24 hour day, Martin would still be up for some conversation with strangers, in English!  That definitely got him some points.

Okay, I'm envisioning the length of this entry, if I keep going like this.  I'll pick up the pace here for your sake.  So, for this visit, I didn't want to plan to spend much time with just Martin... I wanted to spend a lot of time with my friends, and see how Martin would feel with them.  So I made up a packed schedule, and, Martin passed!  He didn't complain about anything... and he even did some yard work in my back yard while he was here!!  After spending a few days together, several hours driving in a car together (and having a good theological disagreement), we found ourselves up in Niagara-On-the-Lake ... somewhere (you can count on me to get lost) in a park, a few hours before Martin's plane was to take off.  While we were in the park, Martin said to me something like "I think you're the best woman in the world for me to marry."  And for some reason, that didn't sound scary to me at all!  It was actually quite flattering.  I guess that's when I knew that this was getting serious.  Martin said that the next thing that needed to happen was for me to visit him in Barneveld-- to see his hometown, meet his family and friends, his church, and see his life there.

So, I dropped Martin off at the airport thinking "well, that was a nice visit!  I wouldn't mind if Martin was here for another 10 days."  But I knew that I needed to take some time to get back into routine, and to process some of what just happened.

About a week later, I had processed enough to know that I wanted to visit Martin in the Netherlands... and I wanted to go as soon as I could, so I booked a ticket for mid-May.

Part 1: Online to On the Plane

Martin and I met online.  I had no clue what to expect from the online thing, but I guess I wanted to give it a shot.  Here’s the longer version of the story (from my perspective):

We started talking in August 2010, and our emails quickly became longer and longer.  I enjoyed getting to know Martin, joking with him, and corresponding with him, and I quickly began to await his next email... hoping that it wouldn’t take more than 2-3 days.  In October, we video-chatted for the first time (Martin had to buy a webcam in order for this to happen).  I enjoyed talking to Martin more and more, and as we went on, so many things in our lives (priorities, dreams, lifestyle, goals, faith etc.) seemed to line up.  I found him funny, and he didn’t seem to mind my sense of humour.  I never felt like I needed to hide anything from him, and I didn’t want to hide anything from him.  I think this was partly because of the distance—at that point, I figured “I might as well give him as clear-of-a picture of me as possible, good and bad, since I don’t have anything to lose.”  Along with that, our conversations were very direct.  We talked about faith, family, marriage, money, and international interest before we would have even considered ourselves “a couple.”  This meant that we got our “business” taken care of quickly and efficiently, and the rest of our conversation was easy, insightful and fun! 

In February, Martin made a joke about the “Wonder Weekend” that his church was putting on—and how I should come and see it!  What a kind offer, Martin!  I kindly refused the offer, but said that he could come here to visit sometime if he wanted.  He promptly booked a plane ticket to come visit me, because... well, why not?  Ha!  We decided that the purpose of this trip was to see if we enjoyed spending time together as much as we enjoyed emailing and video-chatting.  In my mind, this trip had the potential of being a huge failure, and I later discovered that Martin had a back-up plan of staying with a relative, if it went really badly.  At the same time, I knew that if it went well, it could end up getting serious really quickly.

Where and how it began- Intro: The Summary

We met online in August, started chatting, not expecting anything from the “online world” or from each other.  The more we chatted, the more fun it was!  We quickly discovered that we had a lot in common.  Maybe not geographically-speaking, but a lot of other things... including international travel.  After a month or so, we were sending one long email each, almost daily.  In October we started video-chatting, and Martin seemed like the same person on video as he was in his emails.  TL discovered that he did, indeed, have an accent, and he was just as fun to talk to over a video camera, as he was to email!

After hours of emails, video-chats and one visit to each of our homes, we realized that so many things in our lives lined up, AND we enjoyed being together, AND we would rather be together than apart.  During my (TL's) visit to the Netherlands, my thoughts shifted from “Martin is a really caring man” to “I feel very cared for and loved.”  At the same time, my feelings shifted from “I really like him” to “I want to be with him, and share my life with him.”  Being the emotionally private person that I am, THAT was a scary discovery for me!  But, at the same time, it was so natural and exciting!

Our story, up until this point, was very adventurous (read on for the lengthy version of this story), so I was glad for a couple fairly quiet days away at my parents' cottage, where Martin and I got to spend time with my family, and some time together.  It was during this time (June 7th, right Martin?), that Martin asked me to marry him, and he made me a very happy girl!  We're really excited to discover what it means to be married, and to do life together.  We can't wait for the quiet times we have together, and all the adventures that await us!  We're just so happy that we get to share our lives with each other!

New Blog

I'm not a writer.  My fiancée whose mother tongue is not English corrects my grammar occasionally.  However, I'm about to make a big move, and there are a lot of changes and transitions that I will be going through in the next little while.  This blog is my attempt to record some of the ways life is changing for me.  Feel free to join along if you're at all interested.