The most bitter part of this sweet journey.

It is December 3^rd or 4^th,, depending on which time zone we're looking at. We just flew over Newfoundland and Labrador, on our way to Brussels, Belgium. It has been an emotional 24 hours for me. Last night I cried for about an hour before falling asleep. Even though I have lived a long distance from my family, living in another country (especially one that is across an ocean) is another ballgame. However, the hardest part is not knowing the future. While Martin and I don't know where we'll end up living in the future, all we know is that for now, home is Barneveld. I don't have another plane ticket booked. I don't know when I'll see people again, and I don't know if they'll ever be as “easily accessible” as they have been while living in the same country. I can not say to anyone anyone, myself included, the comforting phrase “See you in _____.” For now, it's simply “good bye.” That is hard. That is the reason for my tears.

I have met a few of Martin's friends, and his family- all of whom I'm excited to build relationships with, but I don't have any good friends of my own... yet. I have not visited Martin's church... yet. I have not been alone in downtown Barneveld... yet. These are all things that I hope will happen soon, and that will help me feel at home in Barneveld.

One thing that just is not possible, though, is the “accessibility” to family and friends. I can't call up a friend and invite myself over for tea (LL?) I can't go on a last-minute trip with a friend (Jo? Jules?) I can't invite friends over for games just because. I can't stop by at a friends' place because I'm in the area (Tiff?) I can't chat with people as easily just because we're both online (Rhi?) (well-- hopefully this can still happen, but my point here is that the time difference will make it less likely.) I won't be able to drive to meet family for a ski trip, or for Christmas, for that matter.

All of these relationships will be changing. It's sad to know that some of the things that have created, established and cultivated these relationships, just won't be possible anymore (without a plane ticket and a big trip.) However, just as Martin and I got to know each other from across the ocean, and with very few days in the same country, I hope that I'll be able to maintain contact with some people who have become my closest friends. And I am trusting that God will provide all my needs- right now, I think social and emotional needs are on the top of the list for me.

Of course, the sweet part of this journey is being with Martin, and being our own little family. Being with Martin doesn't take away my tears, it doesn't solve all of my problems, it doesn't give me 100% security in the future, it doesn't make it easy to say good-bye, but it makes the bitter part of the journey absolutely worth it.