The expensive way to get married

I'm leaving tomorrow morning for the Netherlands.  The only reason I'm going is to get legally married.  I mean, I'm SO excited to see my man again, but this trip is only happening because of the complications that come with an international marriage.

Since I'm going to be living in the Netherlands, I am required to apply to become a permanent resident.  In order for me to do that, I need to prove that I am married to a Dutch citizen.  If Martin and I signed marriage documents in Canada, it could take up to 4 or even 6 months to complete the paperwork process that is required for the Dutch to recognize our marriage.  I need to be accepted as a resident within 3 months of living in the country.  Because of the potential processing time of Canadian documents, Martin and I decided to get legally married in the Netherlands, which means that I can apply to become a permanent resident immediately.  However, for us, that ceremony is to register our commitment to each other with the law.  The ceremony that we're having in London, Ontario on November 25th is when we're expressing our commitment to each other before God and family and friends.  November 25th is when we'll consider ourselves married.

This is the complicated way to get married, but in our case, it's certainly best.

Part 3: Relationship to Ring

Over the course of the next two months, things just got better and better.  I enjoyed talking to Martin more, and the more I got to know him, the more I looked forward to seeing him again.  We started reading a book together, and once again, we discovered that we shared a lot of the same attitudes and concerns about so many things.  Martin always struck me as a disciplined, goal-oriented, hard-working man, but I was a little embarrassed when I was the one catching up to him in our reading (since we were reading in my first language.)

The more I talked to Martin, the more I wanted to talk to him and share with him.  (Yep, you can feel sorry for Martin right about now.)  And the more I got to know him, the more I wanted to learn about him.

I don't remember much of what happened between March and May, but over that period of two months, I found myself imagining doing everything with him-- planning things with him, going on trips with him, spending quiet time with him, going on adventures with him…. and the list goes on.  I also imagined spending time with him at the end of a great day, and at the end of a rough day.

This period of two months was a little weird, as I was imagining the potential for the future.  And over the course of these two months, the "potential" slowly turned into a likely reality.  Through all of this, God gave me so much peace.

Then came my trip to the Netherlands.  I arrived into a new country, where I didn't recognize the airport, I didn't recognize any of the names on road signs, I didn't recognize the landscape, the trucks looked different, the highways were smaller, the licence plates were different -- all I knew was Martin.  As I sat in his van driving from the airport to Barneveld for the first time, I remember a moment when we were silent, and I thought "TL… you are CRAZY!" … and yes.  I WAS crazy!  This WAS a crazy adventure that I was on.  But, I felt safe in every way.  Up until this point, there were no "red flags".  Theoretically, there were many things that had the potential to go wrong, but there were so many things that pointed away from that, and towards this actually being a good thing.  I would have called it a very calculated risk.  In my mind, IF Martin was actually the man who he seemed to be, then I was more than willing to take this risk.  My biggest fear at that point was that one of us would discover something significant that would lead us to end the relationship-- something that we couldn't discover through conversations.  But once again, neither of us discovered any bad surprises, and we enjoyed our time together in the Netherlands even more than Martin's trip to Canada.  It was SO nice to be with Martin, seeing his hometown, and meeting his family and friends.  Once again, everything that I saw and heard while over there, confirmed that Martin WAS in fact, the same man that I had gotten to know over the last 9 months… even better, actually.  Of course, it was nice to be welcomed so warmly by such a great family and friends over there too!

We then had two weeks before Martin was back in Canada-- and at this point, we were talking very seriously about getting married, and I knew that he was planning to bring a ring over with him (and I was glad to know this, so that I could plan our time appropriately.)  Of course there are lots of other good stories that happened along the way-- like how I went to the wrong terminal to pick Martin up, and how he almost fell into a mostly-frozen swamp on our first walk together, and how sometimes the other person can hear you, even if you don't think the video-call has started yet, or how Martin corrects TL's grammar ... but we'll save those for real life conversations.

Part 2: Off the plane to Off the Market

Carrie (one of my two sisters) came to the airport with me, to meet Martin for the first time, and to drive part-way back to London with us.  I was SO nervous standing in Terminal 3, waiting for Martin to walk through the gates.  Of course, we were early, and boy, did I have butterflies in my stomach!  There was so much running through my mind.  I couldn't believe that Martin would actually book a ticket (considering the cost), just to see if we got along with each other.  What were the chances that he hadn't even booked a ticket, and just wouldn't show up?  For some reason, I was confident that Martin was going to show up.  But as each person walked through the gate, I wondered if they were Martin... I found myself guessing even how he would walk and hold his head up... before we had met.  As I was standing there, I was waiting for the moment where the glass doors opened, then "Mr. Right" would walk through the doors, our eyes  would lock, and time (and all the people in the airport) would stand still, (with some nice background music) as we approached each other for our first greeting.  Well, it was nothing like that.  When he came through, though, I knew it was him, and I was a little relieved, but very nervous!  What a weird moment!  At that point, I didn't remember where the car was, or how to get back to the car, and I just talked nonsense for a bit, as we walked back to the car.  I'm glad Martin stuck around a bit to see me a little more relaxed.

That car ride was a little awkward... especially at the point when I lost my way (I was driving, and I was still getting over the shock that Martin was sitting in my car, in real life.)  Once we got back to London, I was planning to just drop Martin off at my good friend's house,  where he would be staying, then I would head straight to mine.  But, Terri and Darren invited us in for some tea, and Martin accepted the offer... I was surprised that after a 24 hour day, Martin would still be up for some conversation with strangers, in English!  That definitely got him some points.

Okay, I'm envisioning the length of this entry, if I keep going like this.  I'll pick up the pace here for your sake.  So, for this visit, I didn't want to plan to spend much time with just Martin... I wanted to spend a lot of time with my friends, and see how Martin would feel with them.  So I made up a packed schedule, and, Martin passed!  He didn't complain about anything... and he even did some yard work in my back yard while he was here!!  After spending a few days together, several hours driving in a car together (and having a good theological disagreement), we found ourselves up in Niagara-On-the-Lake ... somewhere (you can count on me to get lost) in a park, a few hours before Martin's plane was to take off.  While we were in the park, Martin said to me something like "I think you're the best woman in the world for me to marry."  And for some reason, that didn't sound scary to me at all!  It was actually quite flattering.  I guess that's when I knew that this was getting serious.  Martin said that the next thing that needed to happen was for me to visit him in Barneveld-- to see his hometown, meet his family and friends, his church, and see his life there.

So, I dropped Martin off at the airport thinking "well, that was a nice visit!  I wouldn't mind if Martin was here for another 10 days."  But I knew that I needed to take some time to get back into routine, and to process some of what just happened.

About a week later, I had processed enough to know that I wanted to visit Martin in the Netherlands... and I wanted to go as soon as I could, so I booked a ticket for mid-May.

Part 1: Online to On the Plane

Martin and I met online.  I had no clue what to expect from the online thing, but I guess I wanted to give it a shot.  Here’s the longer version of the story (from my perspective):

We started talking in August 2010, and our emails quickly became longer and longer.  I enjoyed getting to know Martin, joking with him, and corresponding with him, and I quickly began to await his next email... hoping that it wouldn’t take more than 2-3 days.  In October, we video-chatted for the first time (Martin had to buy a webcam in order for this to happen).  I enjoyed talking to Martin more and more, and as we went on, so many things in our lives (priorities, dreams, lifestyle, goals, faith etc.) seemed to line up.  I found him funny, and he didn’t seem to mind my sense of humour.  I never felt like I needed to hide anything from him, and I didn’t want to hide anything from him.  I think this was partly because of the distance—at that point, I figured “I might as well give him as clear-of-a picture of me as possible, good and bad, since I don’t have anything to lose.”  Along with that, our conversations were very direct.  We talked about faith, family, marriage, money, and international interest before we would have even considered ourselves “a couple.”  This meant that we got our “business” taken care of quickly and efficiently, and the rest of our conversation was easy, insightful and fun! 

In February, Martin made a joke about the “Wonder Weekend” that his church was putting on—and how I should come and see it!  What a kind offer, Martin!  I kindly refused the offer, but said that he could come here to visit sometime if he wanted.  He promptly booked a plane ticket to come visit me, because... well, why not?  Ha!  We decided that the purpose of this trip was to see if we enjoyed spending time together as much as we enjoyed emailing and video-chatting.  In my mind, this trip had the potential of being a huge failure, and I later discovered that Martin had a back-up plan of staying with a relative, if it went really badly.  At the same time, I knew that if it went well, it could end up getting serious really quickly.

Where and how it began- Intro: The Summary

We met online in August, started chatting, not expecting anything from the “online world” or from each other.  The more we chatted, the more fun it was!  We quickly discovered that we had a lot in common.  Maybe not geographically-speaking, but a lot of other things... including international travel.  After a month or so, we were sending one long email each, almost daily.  In October we started video-chatting, and Martin seemed like the same person on video as he was in his emails.  TL discovered that he did, indeed, have an accent, and he was just as fun to talk to over a video camera, as he was to email!

After hours of emails, video-chats and one visit to each of our homes, we realized that so many things in our lives lined up, AND we enjoyed being together, AND we would rather be together than apart.  During my (TL's) visit to the Netherlands, my thoughts shifted from “Martin is a really caring man” to “I feel very cared for and loved.”  At the same time, my feelings shifted from “I really like him” to “I want to be with him, and share my life with him.”  Being the emotionally private person that I am, THAT was a scary discovery for me!  But, at the same time, it was so natural and exciting!

Our story, up until this point, was very adventurous (read on for the lengthy version of this story), so I was glad for a couple fairly quiet days away at my parents' cottage, where Martin and I got to spend time with my family, and some time together.  It was during this time (June 7th, right Martin?), that Martin asked me to marry him, and he made me a very happy girl!  We're really excited to discover what it means to be married, and to do life together.  We can't wait for the quiet times we have together, and all the adventures that await us!  We're just so happy that we get to share our lives with each other!