The big deal about small talk

I am the kind of person that prefers a good, deep conversation to small talk.  One of my favourite parts of my former job was interviewing people.  It's a challenge (albeit a fun one) to figure out what questions to ask in order to learn something that you want to learn about someone.  I loved asking questions like "How did that affect you?" or "Why did you choose this over that?"  It's these kinds of questions that help you understand a more of a person's inner motivation and goals and desires.  It's these kinds of conversations that help you really get to know someone, or feel like you're known and understood.

When I first arrived here, it was a bit awkward to be in stores, or sometimes in public in general.  I look like I could be dutch, so why would anyone guess that I didn't speak the language.  (This post was how I felt when I first arrived.)  My first mission was to learn the basics.  "Thank you", "please", "How much does this cost?", "bicycle", telling time, colours, furniture... these are some of the first things I learned.  I felt (and still do, at times) like a child, because of the level of my dutch language.  That's not a bad thing.  This is how you learn.

As I've been paying more attention to the dutch language around me, and thinking in dutch sometimes, and communicating in dutch sometimes, I find myself really wishing that I could make small talk with people!  (I never thought I would say that.)  I wish I could think quickly enough to say "excuse us, he's just excited to see so many new things", or "don't worry about it", or "blowing raspberries is his way to  say that he's trying to talk to you" but even more than that, I wish I could joke with people (especially strangers.)  It's the little phrases like this, and short communication that help people decipher between a good or bad attitude.  [When using small-talk, or joking with strangers, I'm very aware that a small vocabulary or grammar mistake can change the whole meaning of a phrase.  I don't want to joke with strangers unless I know exactly what I'm saying, and know that it's correct and appropriate.]

I don't really care if people think I'm a serious person or if they think I'm funny or boring.  I don't care if they think I have a good attitude or not.  However, I think attitude is contagious.  If, while standing in line waiting to check out, someone cracks a joke or comments on something that everyone notices, it can really lighten the mood, and make things just a bit more enjoyable.

It only takes one person to start a "conversation", and it doesn't even have to be about anything special!  I just like knowing that even if you don't know people, it's still possible to make otherwise boring and monotonous things a little more interesting and fun, if you have the right thing to say, to the right person, at the right time.  This is when I wish I could be the person to make the right joke at the right time.

I look forward to the day when I can use small-talk appropriately and effectively.

More on language

Most people here speak English... which has taken some pressure off me, so I felt like I could really try to adjust to a new home, new culture, and new people, before needing to learn and get by with a new language.

Now that my life feels much more "normal" (or maybe it's me that feels more normal), I find myself noticing, following and being a little more confident with the Dutch language.  I still have a very limited vocabulary, but I feel like a two-year-old, who keeps repeating words, and asking "what does this mean?", as I'm trying to learn new words each day.  I think this is a good exercise for my brain!

One thing that has surprised me is that I think I have learned some Dutch grammar by noticing some mistakes Dutch people have made when they speak English.  When a Dutch person makes a grammatical mistake in English, it's often because they are translating word-for word.  I know this is frustrating for some Dutch people who are trying to improve their English, but it's actually helpful for me, as it highlights some of the grammatical differences between our languages.

Two significant and notable differences are the way you address people, and nouns that have genders.  The word "you" is translated differently, based on your relationship with the person or people.  "U" is used to address people in a formal relationship, or elders.  "Je" is used to address friends or kids.  I'm still working on differentiating between these situations (for example, which do you use with a cashier at the supermarket?  What about a waitress that's serving you?)  I'm also working on pronouncing them clearly... apparently my "uw" and "je" sound almost the same.  I think in English, we use a much lazier "u"... to make the "uw" sound here, I think you actually have to purse your lips.... I think that's the trick.

One thing that has given me a chuckle is this phrase, which I have heard a few times: "I will take him for a wash tomorrow" (him, in this case, is a car.)  It reminds me that nouns have genders here.  I have to be careful not to laugh, though, because if you're speaking in Dutch, it's perfectly normal.  To me, it sounds like your car has become your personified prized possession.  Of course, this may be true of some people, but I don't believe it's true of the people who I have heard it from.  The nice thing is that I *think* you can also use "het" which means "it" to refer to something... so I think I can get by, for now, without knowing the genders... I think.

Learning Dutch

I'm learning dutch.  I will learn to read, write and speak it.

There are some similarities between the dutch and english languages that make it seem easy to understand, and there are some similarities that make it a little confusing.   On a personal level, I'm really glad that I was enrolled in French Immersion throughout elementary and highschool.  I took two German classes in highschool, one French course in University, and through studying music I have become familiar with some italian.  I have always loved languages, learning the rules of a new language, and trying to perfect it.

As I've been trying to "fit in" here, I do like hearing dutch conversations, and sometimes, when a dutch-speaker is trying to explain something to me in english, they use the dutch word.  On several occasions, I've been able to figure it out because the word is related to a word in either english, french or german.  This has been really handy, but it's only a few words, and it doesn't help me communicate in dutch, it only helps me understand a little better.

Through this process, though, I'm discovering how little I know about the english language.  They say that you learn the most when you're the teacher right?  Well, before I came over here, I thought I would be the english-speaker who would be able to help some others speak english.  However, it turns out that  I have a LOT to learn about the English language.... shoot!  I know that in highschool, my teachers always joked that the French Immersion students always had the worst english grammar, and I'm sure I was no exception, but I am sometimes ashamed when I don't actually know the english word.  So I'm inspired to not only learn dutch, but also to improve my english vocabulary, and my knowledge of the english language.  I would have never expected that!  Anyways, that's for later; for now, I'm working on dutch.

For all the English readers, here's a game... it's called "guess the word."  NO google translate.... just guess!

Tips:

"v" is pronounced like the english "f"

"ui" in dutch sounds like the "ou" in "out"

"j" is pronounced like the english "y" as in "you"

Guess the word:

1) klok

2) huis

3) uit

4) vis

5) jong

6) eet

7) vrij

8) sok

9) onder

10) vader

11) Bonus: ziekenhuis

French-speakers:

12) paraplu

13) plafond

14) muur

German-speakers:

15) spiegel

16) kamer

17) slecht

Confusing things:

of = or

later = ago (in the past)

wil = wants