The big deal about small talk

I am the kind of person that prefers a good, deep conversation to small talk.  One of my favourite parts of my former job was interviewing people.  It's a challenge (albeit a fun one) to figure out what questions to ask in order to learn something that you want to learn about someone.  I loved asking questions like "How did that affect you?" or "Why did you choose this over that?"  It's these kinds of questions that help you understand a more of a person's inner motivation and goals and desires.  It's these kinds of conversations that help you really get to know someone, or feel like you're known and understood.

When I first arrived here, it was a bit awkward to be in stores, or sometimes in public in general.  I look like I could be dutch, so why would anyone guess that I didn't speak the language.  (This post was how I felt when I first arrived.)  My first mission was to learn the basics.  "Thank you", "please", "How much does this cost?", "bicycle", telling time, colours, furniture... these are some of the first things I learned.  I felt (and still do, at times) like a child, because of the level of my dutch language.  That's not a bad thing.  This is how you learn.

As I've been paying more attention to the dutch language around me, and thinking in dutch sometimes, and communicating in dutch sometimes, I find myself really wishing that I could make small talk with people!  (I never thought I would say that.)  I wish I could think quickly enough to say "excuse us, he's just excited to see so many new things", or "don't worry about it", or "blowing raspberries is his way to  say that he's trying to talk to you" but even more than that, I wish I could joke with people (especially strangers.)  It's the little phrases like this, and short communication that help people decipher between a good or bad attitude.  [When using small-talk, or joking with strangers, I'm very aware that a small vocabulary or grammar mistake can change the whole meaning of a phrase.  I don't want to joke with strangers unless I know exactly what I'm saying, and know that it's correct and appropriate.]

I don't really care if people think I'm a serious person or if they think I'm funny or boring.  I don't care if they think I have a good attitude or not.  However, I think attitude is contagious.  If, while standing in line waiting to check out, someone cracks a joke or comments on something that everyone notices, it can really lighten the mood, and make things just a bit more enjoyable.

It only takes one person to start a "conversation", and it doesn't even have to be about anything special!  I just like knowing that even if you don't know people, it's still possible to make otherwise boring and monotonous things a little more interesting and fun, if you have the right thing to say, to the right person, at the right time.  This is when I wish I could be the person to make the right joke at the right time.

I look forward to the day when I can use small-talk appropriately and effectively.